Category: Musings on Life

My Nighttime Retinol Routine

I use almost entirely Drunk Elephant products for this particular routine. A-Passioni is one of their newer offerings, and it it a plant-based 1% Retinol cream. I became an early adopter of this one, and I have found it to be the MOST effective retinol cream that I have tried. It should be noted however, that I have only tried over the counter, consumer based products, and never prescription. That being said, even though I had been accustomed to using Retinol for about 3 years, I still had to slowly build up my usage of this one. I experienced redness, and flaking of my skin when I went to fast. So my advice, whether this is your first time using Retinol, or your first time using this brand’s Retinol…. is to take your time and start slow. Start with one night per week, and do so after you have applied moisturizer. I now do this routine 2-3x a week, and I am quite happy with that frequency. So let me tell you how I started and how you can avoid or reduce the redness and peeling associated with Retinol.

1.) First, I apply the C-Tango eye cream. One pump is enough for both eyes. DE warns not to apply A-passioni on the skin around the eyes, so I use this cream as bit of a barrier in case I am a little sloppy with my application.

2.) I also apply Protini moisturizer on my entire face, then wait a few minutes for the next step. This step though, I’d say, is more important in the beginning. I now sometimes skip this part and it’s totally fine when I do. But doing it did help lessen the initial effects of Retinol in the beginning.

3) for this step, I combine both A-passioni, with B-Hydra serum. I emulsify in my hands one pump of B-Hydra, along with a pea-sized amount of A-passioni. I then apply this combo to my face, avoiding the eye area. I then wait another few minutes before the next step.

4.) This is the only part of this routine that is not DE. I use the Farmacy Sleep Tight Firming Balm last. It is an oil balm, and it does indeed feel a bit greasy. I think this might be why people don’t rave about it like I feel they should. I don’t mind how it feels because it gives me visible results (I’ve been using this for well over a year, long before I started using A-passion). It really does make my skin appear more firm and plump. And my skin also looks hydrated and not greasy at all by the time I wake up. This is another one that will help counteract the initial negative effects of Retinol. And although I do occasionally skip the Protini, I never skip this step. It is, in my opinion, one of the best sleeping masks ever created.

One thing I wish I could say differently, is the fact that I did not take Progress Pictures of my skincare. I really should have. I know the effect that this particular routine has had on my skin has been a dramatic improvement. I now get frequent compliments on my skin. I am a former smoker, in fact, I smoked nearly all of my adult life until just over a year ago. My skin had suffered from that. My pores appeared very large, I had lines in my forehead as well as the 11s between my brows. My skin also always looked dull and lifeless in addition to being chronically dry. Now, all of those issues are way less apparent. And my skin also no longer looks dry, or dull. And while I do use other skincare products… this is only my Retinol routine… I can definitely say that the implementation of these products brought on so much positive change that I cannot be quiet about it. I hope that as you read this, if you own some of these products that you will give it a try. Just remember to go slow with the retinol. Start with 1x per week and slowly increase that each week, 1 additional day at a time. If you start to experience redness or peeling, back down and decrease your usage, but stick with it. Have patience and you will see a difference. This is where remembering the story of the “Tortoise and the Haire” can come in. Also, if you are using Retinol, of any brand, it is so important to also remember to use sunscreen daily. Forgetting or skipping this can not only diminish the results you may see, but can also increase the damage you are doing to your skin… which is the exact opposite of what you want.

As I add this picture, I really wish I had done a before/after. I do apologize for not having that. For so long, I would only allow pictures of me when I felt I looked my best. But I feel so much better about my skin now than I did a year ago.

Before I talk about fitness…

There are just a few things I would like to address first. I really don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea of why I am including fitness in my blog. And I would also like to share a bit of my own headspace on the topic.

So lets start by first addressing the fact that as women, most of us are familiar with judging ourselves harshly. While this isn’t limited to women, our outward appearance is from a very young age… impressed upon us that it’s is of utmost importance. Via both direct as well as indirect methods. In our homes. By the media. By our peers. It is impossible to escape.

Not too long ago, I saw a brief interview with a former top model. At one time, I believe she was touted as one of the world’s most beautiful women. She spoke about the fact that, even in the prime of her career… she felt like a fraud. She felt like any day they would look upon her and realize they cast the wrong girl. That she was too fat. That she was too plain. She stated that she felt like this her entire life. It hit me then, so many of us feel this way about ourselves. So many of us feel ugly and ashamed of our looks. Our bodies. But why? Why can’t we all just be comfortable in our skin?

I think because we have to unlearn everything we were programmed to think. It’s a hard thing to do. With social media, there are a lot of body positivity posts, but just as many shamers. Body shamers. Face shamers. Choice shamers. And on top of that, people are using filters and photoshop to hide every single flaw.

I do not agree with those who shame others. I think we all need to learn to love ourselves. And I think those who love themselves the least, are at times, the most outspoken about their dislike of another’s choices.

But how do we learn to love ourselves? I’m not saying that everyone struggles with this, but many I have talked to do. And I do too. I think the first step is to consciously work on turning off that voice in your head that tells you you are ugly, fat, skinny, short, tall, stupid, or that you can’t do something. It’s hard. That voice tends to become loudest when we are most unsure. Most vulnerable.

The second step is to stop listening to how others think you could be better. Do you know how many times a man has told me that he likes me with straight hair better? That isn’t even a fair statement. He is basically saying, “I do not like who you are naturally, and I think you should invest time and effort, and destroy the health of your hair so that I can find you more attractive.”

We shouldn’t even entertain those thoughts for a second. What used to stress me out, and sadden me, now just makes me angry.

It’s harder to come to terms with body image. So many of us feel, at least partly, that our self worth is tied closely to what dress size we are. How do we stop that dialogue in our head? How do we learn to feel good about ourselves?

At one time, I thought that if I changed my body… happiness would come. I thought that if I had bigger breasts and a smaller waistline, that I would finally feel comfortable in my skin. So I had surgery. I changed the two things I thought would make the biggest difference in how I felt about myself. You see, I had a child at a young age, and my body never bounced back like it does for some people. I felt like a monster when I looked in the mirror. I hated what I saw staring back at me. So when life made it possible for me to change it… surgically… I went for it.

I don’t tell many people this, and here I am blogging about it on the internet.

I remember, I had a nightmare right before my surgery. I was scheduled for a “Mommy Makeover”, which was a breast augmentation, a tummy tuck, and liposuction. I dreamt that I woke up from surgery, and I looked exactly the same as I did before. Nothing changed. I told my surgeon about this dream when he asked if I had any fears. He laughed it off and promised me that would not come to pass. But that dream I had ended up being premonitory in a way.

You see, while my body had underwent major change, my mind hadn’t. I still hated what I saw in the mirror every day. I still focused on whatever flaws I felt were at fault for making me ugly. Sure, over time the flaws I focused on changed. But there was always a reason for me to hate my reflection, and surgery did absolutely nothing to change that.

I did have the aptitude to realize at this time that the issue is my head and not my body. I realized I could probably throw a fortune at my body, through having procedure after procedure… and my thoughts would very likely keep finding a new flaw to focus on. It was both a relief and a hardship to realize this. I wanted so hard to believe that surgery was going to make me feel good about myself. But it never did.

I have found things along the way that have helped though. They help from the inside, out. So when I talk about fitness, please understand that I am not agreeing with the negative voice in your head. I am talking about it because in finding activity, and pushing myself physically, that is how I am able to quiet the way I judge myself.

Even with going to the gym frequently, and eating healthy, my body actually changes very little. It happens so slowly, that I could get discouraged, and on bad days, I sometimes do. But I remember on those days how it feels to be getting stronger. And I remember that I am changing how I feel about myself, and what I believe I can do. And it’s those things that make me feel worthy and equal, and no longer less than.

I don’t think anyone has a right to tell you that you need to change. But you know how you feel and if there is anything you need to work on. You aren’t stupid, you know if you are doing something that is unhealthy… whether that is unhealthy to remain the same or unhealthy to achieve your goals (it can go either way). So when I write about fitness, just know that I too struggle. And know that I am not telling you that you need to do what I do to be happy. I can only tell you what is working for me, and how I am changing how I feel about myself.